Quarantine Tales You Won’t Believe
Quarantine
Tales You Won’t Believe
Mirage Vs. Aero
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| Bubbles of Nuttin! |
As the world reels from the deadly COVID-19 epidemic citizens
are doing their best to remain indoors and limit person to person
interactions. The self-imposed isolation
will hopefully slow down and limit the number of infected people. It’s also making for a wide array of silly, bizarre
and random ass situations of absurdities that seem to arise when roommates,
friends, relatives, spouses and loved ones are stuck in captivity together for
any extended period of time.
The average person is spending this seclusion period
streaming idiotic true crime docuseries, surfing internet skin flicks, touching
themselves where they pee and snacking on so much junk food that by the time
the Coronavirus has passed, they’re going to be COVID-LY-OBESE. Others are spending the time straight up
warring with the people they used to love the most.
One couple in Sherwood Park Alberta who have been married
for 43 years are now filing for divorce after just 8 days of self-quarantine,
and the cause of the quarrel that led to the demise of a half century romance
that produced 3 children and 7 grandchildren???... Nestle chocolate bars. Two Nestle chocolate bars to be exact. Aero bar and Mirage Bar. For those of you know have had both, you
know. They are very, very similar. Basically, fucking identical. Milk chocolate filled with air bubbles. Delicious, sure, but not quite ‘blow up our
lives’ tasty.
The husband (who chose not to be named to protect the rest
of the family from finding out about the split via the media) said he had
brought home a Mirage bar from the dollar store the day before they decide to
do the COVID shut in. While he was
eating it an argument erupted over what milk chocolate ‘bubbles of nothing’ bar
was superior, Mirage Bar or Aero Bar.
The husband has been a staunch Mirage supporter his whole life and claims
the thicker substance of the Mirage bar makes all the difference and the old
school packaging was endearing and if his wife couldn’t recognize that “then
she’s not the same woman he fell in love with all those years ago, she’s now
just a dumb stupid broad that doesn’t even know how to eat chocolate bars
right!”
The wife (who did give her name because she doesn’t care if
her kids find out about the divorce in the media) Katherine Windermeir, said
the bruhaha was blown out of proportion. She claims she saw her husband eating
the treat and simply commented that she preferred Aero Bars better. That’s when the husband lost it according to
Mrs. Windermeir. “He’s a God damn
fucking spazz and always has been!” lamented Katherine. She also went on to say that although after
43 years of marriage she is sad to see it come to an end, part of her is
“happy” because she “won’t have to live with that God damn fucking spazz
anymore”.
The kicker in all of this is that as our team was at their
house to interview them, we interrupted their quarantine so they now have to
spend another 14 days in confinement with each other before they can go their
separate milk chocolate bubbly ways.
