NFL PICK EM WEEK 9
Every NFL blog writer tries to predict winner’s week to week
but the other guys go about it all wrong.
They watch game film and read injury and weather reports. I take it back to the good ole days of
soothsaying. Straight mystic homie! Most
of those other clowns couldn’t read the entrails of an owl if I put them in a
paper bag and left it on their front doorstep.
Believe me…. I know (creepy 1000-yard stare).
So, make room for the new forecaster on the scene aka Buba
Vanga, aka Nostra-God-damus, aka The Medium in an XL, aka the Deplorable
Oracle, aka The Profitless Prophet, aka The Coin Genie Who Made Tom Hanks
Big. Now that you know how we do things
at bobtanney.com let’s see what the tea
leaves say this week!
Time to show you my Occult O-Face for this week’s picks!
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3rd Level
Wizardry Prognostications Commence - NFL Week 9:
Buffalo Bills (5-2)
at New York Jets (3-5):
(Thursday Night Game)
The Bills have won 4 of their last 5 games and are red hot
right now but this one is a rivalry game and it is in New York. The Jets are losers of 3 straight and they
have all been in heart breaking fashion.
My gut says Buffalo, but the Oracles who I keep floating in my bathtub
say that Josh McCown and his underrated receivers along with the Jets tenacious
D will make just enough splash plays to win this thing.
The Pick: The Jets
Atlanta Falcons (4-3)
at Carolina Panthers (5-3):
The Panthers shipping Kelvin Benjamin out of town at the
11th hour of the trade deadline on Tuesday was a shocker for Panthers’ players
and fans alike. It was also a pleasant
surprise for Atlanta’s D-coordinator, Marquand Manuel who now has one less
6’5”, 245 lbs. red zone target to game plan for. This is the last of a 3-game road trip for
Atlanta and with the season still salvageable they need to build off of last
week’s road win in New York. If the
Falcons are spunky enough to make a late season push then this game needs to be
the catalyst.
The Pick: The Falcons
Indianapolis Colts
(2-6) at Houston Texans (3-4):
The Texans are fresh off an instant classic against the
Seahawks in week 8 and Deshaun Watson’s legend is growing with every rookie QB
defying performance he has. The Colts
put up a good fight last week in Cincinnati but still lost. Look for that trend to continue, the Texans
aren’t a great team, but they are a good one.
The Colts aren’t a great team either, nor are they even a good
one. In fact, if I had to describe them
using an adjective, it would be bad, the Colts are a bad team. They should lose this game.
The Pick: The Texans
Cincinnati Bengals
(3-4) at Jacksonville Jaguars (4-3):
The Jaguars are coming off a bye week that couldn’t have
come at a better time. With Rookie RB
sensation Leonard Fournette back to full strength Jacksonville gains the
advantage in the running game. The
deciding factor in this one should be which team’s defense decides to bring the
ruckus the hardest. My money
is on Sacksonville.
The Pick: The Jaguars
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
(2-5) at New Orleans Saints (5-2):
The Buccaneers were the preseason darlings but after 8 weeks
they are now the mid-season dummies.
Jameis Winston is still banged up and their defense has looked lost much
of the season and are ranked 29th in the league in yards given up
per game. The Saints defense on the
other hand has been one of the league’s more pleasant surprises with rookie CB Marshon
Lattimore playing like the leading candidate for defensive rookie of the
year. Drew Brees and the Saints’ offense
remain as always Drew Brees and the Saints’ offense, so you know they are going
to show out on that fast home dome turf.
The Pick: The Saints
Los Angeles Rams
(5-2) at New York Giants (1-6):
Normally this one would have trap game written all over it
for the Rams. It’s in New York, the
Giants are coming off a bye week and their coaching staff is game planning for
their jobs. Even with all of that on the
table the Giants simply haven’t shown enough this season to warrant ever
betting any money on them. Look for Sean
McVay to have some post bye-week tricks of his own up his sleeve in store for
the Giants defense and look for the Rams take the W.
The Pick: The Rams
Denver Broncos (3-4)
at Philadelphia Eagles (7-1):
The Broncos have officially named Brock Osweiler their
starter for this week’s game against the Eagles. There was once a time in Denver where the
Broncos were hoping that Osweiler could possibly be the next Peyton Manning or
John Elway for them, now Broncos fans would settle for Bubby Brister. The Eagles are playing inspired football and
the tarot cards say to go ahead and bet your kids' Christmas gift money on them
this week.
The Pick: The Eagles
Baltimore Ravens (4-4)
at Tennessee Titans (4-3)
This one has a lot of moving parts, the Ravens may be without
Joe Flacco who was last seen trying to order a restaurant check on the filed
after nearly having his soul knocked out of his body late in the 2nd
quarter of last Thursday night’s game. If
he doesn’t play the Ravens don’t have a shot, if he does play the Titans should
still win playing at home and coming off a bye.
The sage smoke drifts in the favor of Tennessee in this one.
The Pick: The Titans
Editors Note: Flacco is reportedly playing... The Ravens should still lose.
Arizona Cardinals (3-4) at San Francisco 49ers (0-8)
I see the Cardinals being able to move the ball on the ground
this week against the 49ers, but this one should ultimately come down to which
QB makes the fewest mistakes. With newly
acquired Jimmy Garoppolo not expected to see any action for San Fran and Carson
Palmer out indefinitely for the Cardinals the watchability of this one falls
somewhere in between Grandpa napping on the Barcalounger and an angry hobo
eating soup. I consulted the I-Ching on
this one and it said “I don’t know man”.
The shrewd money is on the Cardinals but the 49ers have got
win at least one game this season, don’t they?
The Pick: The 49ers
Washington Redskins (3-4)
at Seattle Seahawks (5-2)
One school of thought is that the Seahawks may come out flat
in this one after blowing their wad against the Texans last week in a classic come
from behind home win. My crystal balls
aren’t buying that though. Washington
district is a long way from Washington state and there is no ruder welcoming
coming off a long flight than having to walk directly into the loudest stadium in
the league. The Seahawks are hard to beat
at home and that should hold true again this week.
The Pick: The Seahawks
Kansas City Chiefs
(6-2) at Dallas Cowboys (4-3)
This game may be in Dallas but the Chiefs are the better
overall team, especially if Ezekiel Elliott doesn’t play as he is expected to finally start his 6-game
suspension. Look for Alex Smith to play
his usual mistake free style of football and look for Andy Reid to dial up some
fun ways to get both ‘Freaky’ Tyreek Hill and Kareem ‘The Kansas City Dream’ Hunt
involved early and often.
The Pick: The Chiefs
Oakland Raiders (3-5)
at Miami Dolphins (4-3)
(Sunday Night
Football)
Both of these teams played like blazing garbage last
week. My chicken bone voodoo tactics tell
me that both offenses will show improvement but I look for the Raiders to have
the edge. The Dolphins tumultuous week
extended into the locker room with Coach Adam Gase openly criticizing running
back Jay Ajayi only to turn right around and trade him to the Eagles for a dollar and some envelops. If you think
that didn’t raise some eyebrows among the Dolphins’ players then you’ve never
been part of a team. Look for the
Raiders to stave off playoff elimination for at least one more week with a
victory in South Beach.
The Pick: The Raiders
Detroit Lions (3-4)
at Green Bay Packers (4-3)
(Monday Night
Football)
The Packers are at home and coming off a bye so Mike
McCarthy and co. should have a sturdy game plan in place to keep Brett Hundley
and Green Bay in this one and give them a chance to win it. The biggest problem with that equation is
that Matthew Safford and the Lions thrive in those types of games. My Extra Sensory Perception (ESP) tells me
that the Lions will get the last min victory in a fashion eerily reminiscent to
the December 2015 Aaron Rodgers Hail Mary play in Detroit.
The Pick: The Lions
