Facebook Douchebag of the Week

Your Expat Australian/Irish/English Acquaintance Who Takes Way Too Much Liberty with the Word Cunt.

We get it mate, you’re Australian, or Irish, or British, or whatever the fuck, none of us can really tell or actually give a shit (your weird accents all sound the same to us North Americans). 

We understand that the word ‘cunt’ doesn’t pack the same punch to your people as it does to the pussified, PCtards of the new world.  Initially we liked that about you.  That one time we got drunk at that dive bar with you was fun.  The way the uppity hipster bartender looked at you when you said “less ice next time ya cunt!”  It was great!  And then the way the word rolled off your tongue a few more times in the evening seemed to actually fit the mood of the conversations.  But now dude, you’re going way too overboard with it.  We’ve been “friends” on Facebook for like 3 years and every 2^nd status update includes the word cunt.  We get that you get off on the shock value of it in your new adopted land, but honestly man, get over it.  The rest of us have.  At this point you’re not even offending anyone anymore, and the few losers who do get offended by words that have yet to unfriend you aren’t worth trying to offend.  By now you just seem like a one trick pony that no one wants to go see anymore.  The fat kid on the school yard who had a moment of fame because he was the first 2^nd grader to learn the F-word from his dirt-bag parents.  Then after the thrill of being sought after goes away because the rest of the kids now know the word and have no need for you, you just go back to being the fat dirt kid at recess no one wants to hang around.  Chasing the bygone glory by overusing the word unnecessarily, further adding to your pointlessness as a fixture on our newsfeed.  It’s not that we all hate you.  You’re still a fun guy to get drunk with once in a blue moon.  We’re just going to peace the fuck out on you after the 15^th ‘cunt’ flies out of your mouth for no good reason.  Call it a ‘cunt count cap’. 

Everyone has insecurities, and highlighting your differences from the locals makes you unique and in turn helps you to hide yours, we get it.  But there are plenty of things that make you unique and different from the locals that have nothing to do with the overuse of the word cunt.  You’re obsessed with ‘shredding fresh pow on the local ski mountains’, that’s unique.  You talk weird and you love gross, thick, dark beer, that’s different too.  You call chicks ‘birds’, that’s cool.  You get belligerently, black-out drunk at weird times of the day.  We love seeing that shit.  Nothing is funnier than watching your 145 lbs. acquaintance from the Commonwealth getting physically thrown out of a bar on his ear at 11am because he tried to pick a fistfight with two 250+ lbs. bouncers because his rugby team lost.  See, you blokes can be entertaining without relying on the word cunt after all.